Looking at you turning from gold hair ah beng to lifeguard to couch potato, my past 9 yrs has been pretty fulfilling. 

You've taught me to persist in our relationship when I always feel negative about our differences. You've taught me to be brave to face death and was there to hold me in ur arms. You've changed to fit into my character better. 

Thank u honey baby. With ur love, you've made me whole because u let me lean & rely on u in the darkest & most stressful moments. I love you baby pot and we will hold hands tightly and celebrate every anniversary with joy.

Saturday was a hungry morning where you were reluctant to wake up for breakfast. I rushed back hougang to pick up forgotten loose items for baby's staycation over at ur parents place. 

For the staycation, all u did was to suggest. And what was left became my responsibility. From packing the necessities, taking care of baby through day and night, washing all his clothes and accessories all fall on my shoulder. I had to pack almost the whole house for this little stay, including mattress, carrier, pram, lots of clothes, diapers, napkins, bathing gears etc. 

After all the hassle of packing and loading with the help of my bro and mom, I went to fetch u from raffles before we head to holland v to meet master. 

Came back and i did the night duties. 

Then Saturday morning we had to go over to the new place to supervise the fibre installation and cleaning auntie. Had to leave baby with ur sis. U were quite please to stay in the new place playing game while I had nothing to do and u didn't want to let me come back to baby till much later. 

Finally came back at 1.45pm to a crying baby, had a hard time coaxing him, feeding and changing him. Finally manage to put a crying baby in the car seat at 3pm to fetch u at the new place. 

Rushed to hi-tea with kody and Jo. During hi-tea you shared professionally on how to care for a newborn baby. You were very sweet and caring towards me and baby needs. I m really thankful for those gestures. But good times don't last. Once back home, all the care just disappear. You once again return to a selfish personnel where ur comfort and pleasure comes first. 

While I rushed to bathe and wash baby's accessories, you simply bring a crying baby to the toilet door and casually say "baby is fussing again". What can I say? Where r ur professionalism of going through the baby's needs checklist?

I really find it so unfair. And as I try to maintain my sanity from the lack of sleep, bearing screams in my ears, lots of redundant rules to follow, I still have to do chores like ironing and chauffeuring, feeling that you are trying to drive me to post natal depression. 

You expect things to be done, without lifting a finger. Renovations: my problem. Pregnant: my problem. Give birth: my pro lem. Baby: my problem. Moving house: my problem. Communicating between u and ur mom: my problem. Cooking: my problem. Ironing: my problem. Reading google map: my problem. Even when u r tired and drive in the wrong route also my fault! 

I really appreciate u trying ur very best at work to make enough moolahs for our family expenses at this crucial time. 

But as you were not there for most of the crucial moments with me, you might think that I m very capable and all these expectations should be able to achieve without much effort. 

I m already trying my very best. I've never worked so hard before, trying to meet ur expectations and to lessen ur load. Not even during my major exams. Regardless of what time or how much I sleep. I still care for baby during the day & even night if I can. 

I bear through the traumatizing moments, alone in a cold delivery ward, experiencing excruciating increasing pain. Every minute was so painful, I looked at the clock and wished u were holding my hand, telling me to hang in there. Thou you came back with a nice card to show ur Appreciation and I was very touched, I really wished u were there. To at least know / see how much pain I had been through. 

I hanged on to my painful stitches, try to walk long distance with u in shopping mall, catching up with ur pace. Thou I'm just a lil faster than a snail, but I really try my best. I'm not only responding to the actual physically pain but a deep trauma stays in me. I just don feel the same again even the stitches has healed. A physiological barrier has formed and I'm very scared when u wanna have sex. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it already. But my mind is def not. 

I really hope you give me and baby a lot more patience and support. To really show us that in ur heart baby and I come in priority. Because somehow I always feel that the new house or some other distraction comes in priority.