Wish Wash~

The dragon year

2012-01-25T10:45:00.001+08:00

The whole of the rabbit year has not been the smoothest year. A year filled with frustration, betrayal from ex-col, family tension, pressure for child-bearing, mom's op, 2 consecutive funerals etc.

The new dragon year does not look too good either. The good vibes just ain't there. I just wan to stand my grounds firm and live my own life. But things are always nt up to u when u married. Both parties stand hv to be considered. Many a time I just wanna walk away. Wished I've never stepped in. Things or shows tt I watch ain't helping. Like the female discrimination ytd, it's shown that although the girl work hard to meet the expectation of her husband and his family, things won't get better. In the end a divorce is the solution. A good representation of human's unlimited greed and desire.

We wear masks everywhere. At work I wear a mask to like my children n enjoy talking to parents. At his home I wear a mask to be a guest and neutral so o don get hurt again, at my home I wear a mask to pretend to b happy and unaffected by the pressure and expectations of my family.

There is no comfort zone for me to be myself until I'm overseas. Away from all these nonsense. Away from all the expectations.

When can I be myself? Where can I be myself?

You!

2012-01-12T20:39:00.001+08:00

I curse u! For all the rubbish u created, the lies u told to cover ur brainless act, the intervention that causes my gf and I to drift, u r a Saturn!

Don even think or dream that by confessing ur doings to god and u will be forgiven. That is absolute self denying.

Don even try to defend urself by saying what kind of pathetic salary u hv got cos u only work less then 20 hrs a week.

What gives u the right to take others hard work? Everytime when u use our work, think of how much effort was used by u in tt worksheet. Zero! All u know is to brag and steal. U shameless creature! Totally despicable!!!!!

2011 summary

2011-12-29T11:12:00.001+08:00

2011 has not been the smoothest yr. In fact it was a yr of roller coaster emotion, a yr of stress handling and decision making.

At his home, there is constant stress and pressure just to stay in the same space with the MIL. At my home there is also constant stress and pressure to give birth. Y wouldn't I feel that I'm homeless? Home is no longer a place for u to feel loved but a source of stress that attacks u directly to the heart and mind by using kinship.

At work it was a yr of juggling between low EQ, over piled with classes, cleaning up extinguished room, solving unreasonable cases.. But on a brighter note at least nw we work happily again. Peace!!

At class, the skill to learn to work with diff ppl of diff age grp was an experience. Other than energy draining, it was a happy class.

My marriage, was a happy and difficult one. If u r only referring to my husband, he is excellent (most of the time) but in regards to the union of 2 families, stress from both sides seem to be breaking the marriage apart. I'm a person with strong principle and cannot ignore things. So I often get into conflicts and get very upset if the proper apologies r left unsaid.

I pray that 212 will be a better year for u and me. The most impt is for my own home to come ASAP to create a space of my own.

Fetching

2011-12-12T22:26:00.001+08:00

Coming to fetch me was another plot of getting me to ur place. If I don't go, u win even bother to come fetch me. What a nice gesture.

The igniter to the failure of our marriage

2011-12-12T08:22:00.001+08:00

The house the person is the igniter. How can someone just barge in the room like that? And why m I always on the receiving end of all these ridiculous rubbish.

What's more, with no confronting, she can pretend nothing happen and simply try to cover up by asking abt my hair? My fucking hair is more impt than apologizing for her rude actions?!

Pls, even if u are 100 yrs old. Admit ur mistake!

Idiot

2011-12-01T19:01:00.001+08:00

Somehow idiot also hv to live. Still hv to deal with it n pray hard u won't b an idiot too soon the next time.

好丈夫

2011-11-15T12:51:00.001+08:00

我自己不是个温柔的妻子，不是很体贴，也不是很温顺。不知是否是上辈子修的福分还是我爱帮助朋友的福报，我的先生竟会这么温柔体贴。我真是受宠若惊。一下子快一年了，但却能越来越象热恋，陷在爱里面，享受爱的滋嫩。老天是在是对我太好了。
感谢上苍，也感谢我老公，不离不弃，也希望我们能携手直到白发掉光，让我依然是你唯一的宝贝。

加纳美帝

2011-11-07T22:10:00.001+08:00

这个假期很浪费时间。不过我们应此有了充足的睡眠。这正个月我们都过的很开心，让我觉得这一切都美得象一场梦。若真是场美梦，我不想苏醒。在我的梦里，我享受着婚姻带给我这么好又顾家的丈夫。在我的梦里，我幻想我们的未来，充满快乐，很忙，不简单，不过我会有你和我，和我一起渡过困难的日子，永远牵着我的手，分享我们的快乐和不如意。请让我一直睡着，继续做着这场美梦。

Holidays!

2011-11-03T11:53:00.001+08:00

So excited for all the holidays. But a chat with hubby still reveal that I'm spending too much. But is the festive of celebration!

My hubby is someone whom makes me happy and angry. Phew with a big baby like him we won't need our kids.

Mommy

2011-10-01T10:43:00.001+08:00

Seeing so many of my friends enjoying parenthood. I m really happy for them.

I really think and feel that they r ready to be a mother. To sacrifice for their child.

But the idea of me getting pregnant is freaking me out. The thought of another burden is weighing me down.

With a child, whatever I do have to be at their interest first. Whatever I earn will be for their expenditure first. Whatever I buy will be for them. They will always be first and no more me.

I see many mothers losing their identity in the house. At least last time they r the precious apple of their husband's eye. After child birth, the children stand in the limelight, in between ur marriage. You will no longer be the woman of the house. You become the Mother or rather is just a nicer appointment of the Slave. You r responsible if ur child is hungry, fall sick, has exams/ competitions, don't do well, has a gf/Bf, get in trouble in school, ill mannered etc. But the Father will be most probably simply financing the fees, attend award presentations, blame the Mother why the child turns bad.

Is always the case of unbalanced responsibility that results in fights. The Mother don't feel loved and the Father simply only love the kids.

Since life is already design to be unfair where woman goes through prenatal n postnatal stress, child birth pain, in laws unadaptation, why can the man make things easier and for woman to feel more appreciated?

Was reading on some medieval tortures, all these are designed by men, ESP those with low self esteem. Otherwise why r the punishment for men so straight forward like hanging but is a long painful process for womean like drowning in pits or ripping off their breasts alive or even bury and stoning them to death?

Women suffered too much. And is add on from the actions of stupid men.

Whole day of tears

2011-10-01T00:50:00.001+08:00

I m angry. I was angry. I really don't know why u n her have to force me like that. Forcing me to a corner, making me breakdown in front of my colleagues.

Ah.. How I wished I have a hole to just hide in there.

Even when I reach home. All I wan was a good dinner then a good sleep. Maybe just simple baking to make myself feel better. I'm very tired and more tired after the stress rendered by u n diana.

Why can't both of u leave me alone? Why must u force me to meet u or she must force me to meet her? By seeing my face, would that solve the problem?

What's and where's the I will respect ur decision to do whatever u wan? U r forcing me to do things I don wan.

I don't know if both of u communicate beforehand. But receiving both ur SMS n call frustrate me and I feel that there is no other path for me to go. I hate being trap like this. I'm not ur prey.

I don wan to listen to anyone and follow wat other ppl want me to do. I just want to do it my way. I'm no longer 19 yrs old. When I say I don wanna see u, I meant it. I do not wish for u to come surprise me like tt.

Yes I said I was falling in love. And that is exactly the reason that brought my tears today. Yes u r stupid, but I m simply dumb. To start to hv faith in this whole thing again. To think I can still try to be a neutral party in the new family.

Now I know I shud not have. I shud not hv tried to interact. So there will b no opinion from me on her. So there will be no sandwiching of u on between and u feeling that why can't I've a normal or better DIL?

Simply becos I choose not to. I choose not to fulfill anything more than a basic guest in the house. I m not even willing to fulfill basic duties of DIL which includes the birth of their golden grandchild.

I used tok much time n energy to adapt into the new house n family culture. I m just not getting it.

Even at my mom house she is constantly bugging on grandchild. And the stress level builds on. Looking at other children everyday, their wailings and demands irks me.

Looking at other's wedding, I realized that I m so not prepared for a marriage. I m not prepared to bow down to practical issue of in laws and reproduction.

U keep saying that the day u said the vow u meant it. I meant it too. That's why when it came from you, it hurts.

Detest

2011-09-29T20:44:00.001+08:00

When the whole world is celebrating about their love and matrimony, I'm detesting mine.

I really m very tired of shuffling.

Best husband!

2011-09-21T18:12:00.001+08:00

I really do have the best husband in the world!

Someone who revolves his life around mine, his worries around me, his planning for our future family!

Can't get someone better, cos he cooks instant mee at 1am if I'm hungry, washes all the dishes after my cooking/baking, helps me in my cake artwork, makes personalized cards only for me, fetch me everytime he has the car..

Now that I'm falling in love, the rest does nt matter.

Life is happier

2011-09-14T10:15:00.001+08:00

Nothing much to complain. Life has become easier and happier. Mainly cos I indulge in a lot of my activities and staying away. It really helps. We now treat each other politely. Sometimes u really do wanna be just an outsider.

Currently enjoying my marriage life with solely my husband. We treasure every moment of being together. We r opened to discussion and he really accommodate to my schedule and activities.

Looking forward to the year end overdue honeymoon. :)

Getting used to unfair treatments is a tutorial for all DIL?

2011-07-07T01:25:00.000+08:00

I was overjoyed ytd. Beginning to see hope in 'us' after so long. Appreciating ur effort to show me that u care abt 'us' and is willing to put 'us' in the first place. But today I know all these have been an illusion. U are still the selfish person, who is simply trying to make me conform to suit ur lifestyle and comfort. U never did try to understand what I'm suffering from and what I'm suppressed from.

Ever since our marriage, my tears never stopped. The qty is far more than my smiles. I don smile anymore. I m no longer carefree and lively. I don know what I want. All I m doing is wat u wan, u will listen to me and pleased for a while and then coax me to follow u.

This is not the life I want. I need to voice out. I need to live my life. I don't wanna conform. I don wanna live yr life just cause I love u.

I no longer trust ur words. I never shud hv. Ur empty promises. U promised nvr to make me go stay with u if I'm unwilling. U promised to nvr say things to make me accomodate to go bk to that place. When hv u kept ur promises?

So since u cannot keep to ur promises nor protect me frm future unjust, I'm sorry but I hv to voice out. From now on if I hv to follow any rules in that place, everybody follows. So mk sure ur mother knows her rules well enough before she implement more. If I've to respect the host territories, I want to b respected in my private space. Go tell ur mother not to read ppl letter nor poke her nose into every baggage I bring bk. If I hv to respect and address anyone in that house, everybody also hv to greet me in proper formality. So ur sister pls address me as sister in law instead of sister. I'm not that close to her and not blood related. N to think tt ur mother aso call me jie jie to ur sister. Such good disciplines she have. I will reply her Auntie if I hear that again.

These has been happening in the house when u were not there and yes I bear a grudge. From the preparation of wedding, from ur mom trying to dispense with the rituals of hair combing cos is too troublesome but insist on hving time n dates under auspicious timing, I hate her. For always having double standards and nurturing u to b like tt. I do not get used to this kind of unfair treatments. I will never get used.

Life as an outsider

2011-06-28T13:13:00.002+08:00

Marriage / the Holy Matrimony is such a beautiful thing.

Many say it is the beginning of a new life. Others say it is the graveyard of your relationship.

I say is both.

To the couple, it is indeed a beginning of a new life, a new lifestyle that you can dictate.

To the newly wed, marriage is a graveyard of 'relationships'. To manage not just you and me but to manage many more related relationships, including your parents, grandparents, aunties, uncles.. not directly related but somehow or rather you will know or have to know.

esp when is family of being 'fair or unfair' and with a double standard.

I know, life is never fair, has never been and will never be.

One should never expect to be treated like one of them.

One should know that you are expected to do more than them and be extra respectful.

One should obey their rules and do not expect they know your rules.

One should be expected to help the communication within members in the house.

sounds like worse than a slave?

The good part, house work are taken care of.

but to me, is not a good deal. I am a mental slave and that is not me. I am someone if you treat me well, I treat you doubly well. If you treat me like air, I will withdraw away.

That's what i'm doing now.

But i know, it hurts him a lot. It pains him to realise that there's nothing he can do, also putting him in a difficult situation, worry him that I'm reconsidering this marriage.

is only been 6 months into the marriage and is stripping us of energy and patience.

is only been 6 months into the marriage and I'm thinking if it was really a suitable option in the first place and if we should put a halt to it before any kids planning / accident.

is only been 6 months into the marriage and I feel like leaving.

like many other times i've said, since the day i signed the papers, there is not place where i call home.

Is now my mom's home or bryan's place. I don't have a home, not even the one i was familiar for 10 + years.

From the day i signed the papers, I am obliged to serve as a slave to the new house, the new husband, the future child bearing machine. Those are the hidden words in the blessings.

No one told me these.

Much as i'm all ready to be a wife, to take care of my own family, to make sure my husband is well taken care of, to take responsibility for the new family, I am definitely not prepared to be a obedience DIL who simply take instructions.

I am of cos not willing to take weird humiliations like being treated as a alien or some inauspicious person in the house.

Tell me, which girl is prepared for that?

Weird girl

2011-04-11T11:05:00.004+08:00

I'm a weird girl...

My heart don't skip when I see Gucci.

I don't gasp for air when I see Prada.

I don't stared with wide eyes when I see LV.

My iris dilate for beautiful kitchen appliances.

I fight with myself to get hold of lovely tea sets.

I whine to hubby for baking equipments.

I lose my sleep thinking of luxurious bed sheets.

This is me. I am a weird girl. But I like it this way.

Plain mode

2011-03-24T00:24:00.002+08:00

Tonight i'm in a plain mood...

A week ago, I was feeling over the moon.. I have the best husband who wants and desire to provide for me, make me feel like a princess, pays for my holiday and surprise me with a big gift..

I felt so blissful during the Bangkok trip..

Sounds like i'm going to say something bad has happen? No. My husband is still great!

recently no complains on MIL. cos almost 0% interactions excluding basic hi-bye gestures. seldom stay around when they are awake or around.

An interesting happening. Let call it "MIL thinks all mothers are maid"

MIL is going away to China for 1 week. Hurray! Peace sign.
Told me to move back to my mom's place for this week so that mother can wash clothes for me and husband. (weird)
Answered no need cos i can wash clothes. -- Silence....

lol.. wat a farni suggestions and reaction.

In my mind i was speculating wat MIL was thinking: Only when MIL no around i can wash my own clothes, other times she have to wash for me...hahaha

Fact is she really wash clothes and i dont when she is around. Not that i'm lazy or stupid, but i felt that
1) more economy to wash all clothes together, saves water and electricity.
2) she has nothing much to do except to keep the house clean. and cleaniless in the house is actually not very high standard
3) she only wants to wash in the morning, which i am not free to do at that time.
4) our room is too puny to keep a basket of clothes for 1 week before i can wash. plus it sinks.

so with the above facts, we simply place our clothes in the laundry basket and Ta-dah!

hahahahaha

Our first CNY that turns out chui~

2011-02-07T09:48:00.002+08:00

haiz.. this blog is becoming my channel of venting my fustrations.

Our first CNY as a newly wed.. turns out to have left me pretty speechless.

First was CNY eve, happily ate reunion lunch, then head to mom's hse for reunion dinner. Super full...

CNY night ended late.. was supposed to play MJ but was called off as needed to fetch MIL. apparently MIL went to temple alone w/o FIL. don know and don wanna know the reason.

So dear took a cab home to fetch the car so that we can fetch her back later. time instructed was 1am. after that receive a call to say 2am, cos temple too crowded. By almost 2am, my uncle and aunty still around, so since everyone is already tired and is so late, i asked dear to send them back first. Send uncle and aunty, reached temple 2.30am. pick up MIL, go home. Tink we fell asleep at abt 330 after shower.

woke up 830, dressed up to go back mommy's hse for brekkie. didnt wanna rush cos was too tired due to lack of sleep. MIL complain that we are so slow and by gg back to mommy hse, we cause their itinenary to be delayed, bear in mind SIL still slping. The whole house was just complains, mumblings and scolding SIL to wake up. What a first day of CNY! super auspicious with loud noises.

Was fed up, simply took my own sweet time to dress up and change.. left house at 950, reach mommy hse at 10am.. had yummy western brekkie and left to go back to that horrible place.

1st visit--> cos we are so late.. 1130am, we went to the dears' paternal uncle hse first, met the elders, sat down, watch tv. FIL happy chatting, MIL stoning. 20 min later, MIL stood up to leave and everyone just followed.

2nd visit--> visit to dear's maternal step granny, whole family sat in the 1 bedroom flat, facing each other, awkard silence is observed many times during the stay. conversations were within the family and not many times with the granny. MIL gave ang pow after 15 min and family left.

3rd visit--> visit to dear's maternal gu po, MIL super excited, exclaim loudly at little children, greet everyone happily, FIL greeted everyone, sat down watch TV and we followed. Had lunch and left with FIL and SIL, they both went home and sleep. From here everyone is in their paradise.

4th Visit--> my maternal granny house, had 2nd lunch there, watch tc, played blackjack and napped. was happy there.

CNY day 2 was disaster.

Morning 9am, i dressed up. Wanting to go hm to help mom with lunch preparation for relatives. asked MIL what time they are going out for visiting, received a vague answer like ' when everyone is up and ready' (SIL still sleeping, MIL still busy in kitchen and FIL watching TV). My question is not answered. So i asked if is gg to be before noon, like in 1hour time? MIL replied something like that.

so i said: in that case dont rush, you guys go ahead cos i want to go home to help mom prepare. MIL face turned black and started mumbling (cursing?) under her breath.

I then suggested: why dont i go home first and you guys fetch me later when you are done? (MIL totally ignore and continue to complain)

FIL heard and went to tell dear 'why once a year visit nanny also don wan to do?'

I got fed up, went to the room to continue my makeup and plan to leave the house myself. MIL came knocking at the door with tissue in her hand and red eyes, telling me to go visit nanny cos we are newly wed and is the first year. She promised that i can go after 15 minutes in the house and asked me to wait for the family to get ready, nicely (finally).

to be frank, i was more angry. cos i hate people using tears to make me do things. But to not make things worse, i kept quiet and just waited. and the parents hurried the slping SIL to wake up and dress up. I waited 1 hour! before everyone was ready to leave the house. by the time i left the house was already 1000, reached the destination at 1030, sat till 11am and left.

but mom's luncheon was scheduled at 1pm, so imagine i reached there at 11.30am and she was almost done. so defeats my purpose of helping.

so that's the end of my 2 days torture.. and i seriously dont understand why people have to fake that their family damn united when at home is worse than strangers. What's the point of the house visit, forcing everyone to stick together when everyone just dislike interacting with you cos you cannot even communicate properly? What's the point of welcoming the fortune god when your house is not even happy? you think he wants to come and stay with your family?

do you know that you are so important? your mood affect everyone else's mood in the family and determine if they like to come home or not.

In conclusion, my CNY was a total flop. The stress level and depression level is no less than my wedding preparation. and in this case, i am nowhere near to excited/happiness.

what have i gotten myself into? totally cannot adjust into my marriage. All i want was a wedding.

A family

2011-01-28T11:02:00.002+08:00

The cosy feeling of mom buying back your favourite food. The nice warm feeling of mom prepared everything and you so feel well taken care of. Things that are taken for granted.

people may comment that my situation is very blissed. That MIL takes care of the family, does not require me to do household chores... indeed... i'm pretty blessed in this way..

the only reason i refuse to go home is ... there is no warmth at home. That place feels cold, rejected and simply no love.. there is no love in the house.. only grumbles, complains and quarrels..

this thought is growing s deep inside me that i'm feeling depressed. Am i so difficult to please? i don't need anyone to please me.. but i really wanna feel family love, esp when now i have a new father.

I am probably going insane.. and this makes me reject, dislike leading to hate for the family.. i wan to break free... and i do not wan my children to have any close relationship with this kind of family.

everyone has their own set of thinking and character they want to build for their children. i m merely protecting my children in future... yes...

我忍

2011-01-01T13:09:00.000+08:00

我忍。我一定忍。忍到一天我有主倒权，我一定不会再听你任何一句话。是你和你儿子逼我做出这种选哲。

This is a house... is not a home

2010-12-28T10:45:00.002+08:00

Enjoying peace and happiness in a house is not easy.. sometimes rare... only rather it depends on the mood of others. People tend to spoil or affect others mood or rather they choose to affect each other moods to be like theirs, especially shitty mood. maybe people are born selfish. They cannot see others happy if they are not, they do not want to see others enjoying if they can't. That's how selfish people can be.

is always a dilemma. is always things that you see nothing wrong but is hurting me...

one sentence... I DON'T WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE AN INFANT THAT CANNOT DO THINGS ON THEIR OWN!

i rather complain that i'm tired, i have no time.. then to feel like an idiot and all things i want to do get snatch away.

maybe she really wan to take care of you just like her baby.. but leave me alone..

in the end, she washed the bedsheet. in the end, she decides all the ingredients for our lunch that i wanted to prepare. In the end, she instruct every step to cook. In the end she took over the cooking and i stood like an idiot.

How am i suppose to learn if she takes away all the opportunity to try? she is getting on my nerves and i swear i will explode on her VERY SOON if things continue like that.

but i learn. From now on, I will NEVER wash my own dishes, i will Never cook a single meal in this house, i will Never buy anymore things for the house's fridge, i will Never suggest any form of activites for the house people, i will NEVER read a letter for her, i will Never ever stay in this house alone with her or cross into her path.

I should have never bothered cos there is a dictator in the house.

A brand new life!

2010-12-06T14:39:00.003+08:00

A Brand New Life with a new status!

okok.. not really a brand new life like resurrection but is really cool.. cos i'm was a happy bride by the end of the whole preparation, a happy wife now and hopefully a happy daughter in law..

Our relationship seemed to have been put on a 'reset' mode when it feels so nice, cosy and exciting rather than the previous boring and mundane..

I look forward to every opportunity to spend time together, doing things (or silly things) we used to do.. stared and each other silly expressions and just laugh... finally him 'oh so sweet' and he finding me 'so cute'

haha.. i know it sounds disgusting, mushy and etc.. but is exactly how i am feeling and i hope to jot this down so i can remember...

Overall, it has been a fulfilling year, with all the help of relatives and friends, Thank you for making our wedding event a success and all the blessings for our marriage!!

Bridezilla

2010-10-24T15:21:00.001+08:00

Bride-zilla in the making!

Busy Bee, Busy Me

2010-08-20T09:07:00.004+08:00

Ascend International Food Day! Filipino Food!

Prive Chocolate Crunch Milk Shake!

Krabi - Buri Tara Resort

We saw Merlyn and Lyo on in Changi Airport!

Last Elementary Lesson at BITC

Kudos to Adam!

2010-06-25T19:38:00.002+08:00

Thanks to Mr Adam for the spontaneous pictures... risking being scolded.... shhh...

My personal favourites below.

Why is everyone blaming me for being busy?

2010-05-31T20:01:00.002+08:00

why is everyone blaming me for being busy? hmmm... yes i choose to be busy.. but when i was free and available.. where were you all?

those were the lonely days, where i can't find someone after work and i indulge myself in pampering services and spent hundreds/thousands of hard earned money on redundant things like manicure/ massage... spent all my free time, figuring out how to bake better, buying all sorts of bakeware...

those were the times when i feel so useless.. so stupid where i have so much free time that i dun know where to spend.. to be truthful.. I HATE IT...

i hate to be lonely, wandering aimlessly on the streets of orchard... going into shops in order to gain some attention by abusing my spending power...

Then i hate myself.. cos i am more broke than before..

thou i have more time and more rest then.. i feel lousy and lazy..

Perhaps i was born a workaholic... but i really dislike the idea of being idling for too long.. 1 week is considered long...

i have been so busy that even my holidays are busy... meet ups/ gatherings/ preparation for wedding/ holiday overseas are also rushing for time to visit a whole lot of places..

so I am a busy girl... and I am proud to be one.. Happy!

Happy Mother's day

2010-05-09T23:32:00.002+08:00

Happy Mother's day to all the mothers...

esp my own mommy..

i really wan to wish u a Happy Mother's day... when i see people holding flowers, cutting cake, having dinner... i m very affected that i m not with u to celebrate...

i made a cake for you. but i did not go back to cut with u..

But my wishes for you is sincere... there are things that i wan to do but have to make an otherwise choice and i thought you would understand and don't mind.

the slam of the phone.. the last phrase of sacarsim... broke my heart.. and maybe you are simply disappointed too..

a sudden gush of tears came.. uncontrollably.. even when i shower at his place... in an area not of my comfort zone... i cannot help it..

when daddy was around.. i always rebutt him.. nail his words on the head.. now i have the exact retribution from you..

the idea of bias-ness cannot leave my mind.. you always seem to understand and tolerate him... you express your concern and love for him through a letter and actions..

you always claim that you are fair.. your also show concern to me.. yes.. i saw those.. but those words that you shoot maybe becos your were concern or lack of vocab... is too hurtful and makes me feel that i m redundant.. you with the new mock-up family.. always makes me jealous.. with lunch outings, sweet call-ins, special request for dinners... maybe i m really a bucket of water.. need to be married off and will not belong to the family..

blame it on my work schedule.. blame it on my poor time management... blame it on me.. is all my fault.. I cannot fulfil everybody's wishes and act by your wishes all the time..

is myself to blame.. i will blame myself.. because it is all my fault... my fault for not putting you in the first priority.. my fault for wanting to join another family and add burden on myself.. my fault... is all my fault

As everyone will know..

2010-04-30T10:54:00.002+08:00

Like a usual girl... who dreams of a Prince charming to cross your path, sweep you off your feet and treat you with tender and care and shower you with lots of love whole heartedly, I thought this dream will never come true..

erm... Not that i have met a Prince Charming.. (or i would say so if I m hearing him only.. pretty charming) hee hee...

I have crossed my path with a man... who promise to love me whole heartedly, shower me with tender and care... like the way i want it..

but as we proceed to realising our dream to be together.. there is plentiful hidden 'treasures' to be discovered as a whole...

as everyone else, we once thought that marriage is only between 2 people, you and me.. a wedding should be something how you and me wants to celebrate with everyone else...

slowly... we realise.. marriage is between 2 families, your family and my family... a wedding is something how your family wants it and how my family wants it.. is NOT you and me...

we adopt, listen, follow... the kind of traditions, the kind of procedures that our families want it.. not us.. be it a 'tradition' or be it a norm culture... is up to our families...

slowly help is needed from relatives/friends.. we repeat the same thing in learning to accomodate to everyone, again, we adopt, listen and follow...

so don't tell me Marriage is something between 2 persons.. it is equivalent to telling a child that Santa Clause will come down your chimney to deliver presents..

*P/S this entry is not complaining nor blaming anyone.. is a fact i realised

Jojo's entry

2010-04-22T00:01:00.001+08:00

Based on Jojo's entry... i agree with all my four limbs up..

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT’S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

How true

happy birthday papa

2010-04-07T00:00:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Papa...

3 years le... is my third time singing you a happy birthday song and i hope you can hear me in heaven...

to you: you might think or say that i dun cherish people who are alive and only feel emotional towards them when they are gone... but how many people dun make this simple silly mistake?

most of the time we take each other for granted.. assuming that we will still get to see him or her when we open our eyes again.. maybe you have never lost someone that leaves u so many regrets... maybe u dun understand how fearful i m when i cannot locate a person.. esp my dearest..

yes, i might have felt really regretted that i have not said nice words to my papa when he was alive.. that is a cut in my heart that never heals... no matter how many times i say 'i love you daddy' he would not hear... no matter how many times i sing the birthday song for him... he would not know... he would not know how much i actually love him too.. but the least.. he let me realised how much he actually loved me...

u might say u do care and understand my situation.. but that kind of fear cannot be described.. it turns me into a crazy mad woman on the train.. frantically calling numbers and getting no reply.. amongst all the strangers who stood and sat next to me.. i feel so helpless... where were you and your concern then?

My baby Brother is Home!

2010-03-22T11:08:00.002+08:00

Yeay... my 'baby' brother is home!

ok i m guilty of not missing him throughout the whole month.. but i m still proud of him ok?

and he really made me so touched ytd.. kinda considered the 1st hug he gave to me... (not considering those kiddy times one la)

in fact we fought most of the time when we were young.. but eventually we always made up and i know he still loves me.

hahahhaa... BHB to the max..!

but really wan to say a big Thank you to Bryan who made the effort to pick me and mum up to airport, and also send bro and all of us back home.. xin ku ni le!

also thankful for mommy and brother for always being there... and yup.. is great to see u home Xiao Pang!

so as all of you can see, i LOVE hugs!!!!

so on my wedding, i dun wan handshakes.... make me busy with hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gowns

2010-03-19T13:26:00.002+08:00

Phew.. finally took like 5 minutes to blog about my life..

seems like ages and i have been scribbling my thoughts on my organizer/papers of just mentally jot down. but i can't seem to rem much these days..

maybe is a blessing in disguise that I cannot rem things.. be it good or bad.

anyway.. i have finally chosen my gowns.. 6 in total.. very pleased with my/'our' selection.. Jo, Bryan, Mommy, 'Mother', cousins went together.. the cousins are constantly like trying to hide under my dress for the first 2 hours till they got bored and be disruptive...

the whole process is long, tiring but fun.. thanks to the nice ladies in Z Wedding.. they really did their best in helping me select the gowns and still smiling even carrying like 20 gowns around and going up and down the stairs... Really Thank you, Jelly, Alison, Joey!

I have no photos on the gowns but i really look forward to my 2nd appt for the trial make up now. Hope they dun make the powder too white till i look like ghost...

Right now i am simply too tired to update anymore.. jia you everyone!

This Year

2010-03-01T10:42:00.002+08:00

this year has been a really different year... no more paparazzi-ing, no more 'bored' moments.. every moment of my life has been packed with activities (sleeping is also an activity)..

I m starting to realise that organizing a function is not a smooth and easy journey.. esp when there are things or people you want to do /invite but might not be able to and you want to please yourself but end up trying to please everyone else...

this job is slowly turning out to be not-so-fun when you feel like you are the one that is trying to go against odds from family, friends, relatives on various decisions..

I am just praying that my 1st appt with Z wedding will turn out just fine.. I m not such a difficult bride afterall right?

hahahaha

New Year Re-solution..

2010-01-06T12:42:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year everyone.. a little or in fact very late thou..

been buzzing as usual from preparation of work, baking class, wedding dinners, house gatherings...

everyone has been asking me what have i prepared for my wedding... and i replied Nothing!

really i dun know what i should be doing now.. or what i can do now.. a little dis-organized and helpless le...

worrying abt things that is a little too early..

tink i just have to start my exercising regime, get toned, work for my baking exams in june (pls dun forget again), got for facials and pray that everything will fall in place themself when the time comes nearer..

Maybe that shall be my new year resolution.. at least i am providing solutions for my problems..

How about ur re-solutions?

Miniature Princess/Bride Cake

2010-01-04T11:44:00.001+08:00

New cake New cake! 1st attempt of mini doll cake

A weird encounter

2009-12-17T09:42:00.002+08:00

A dumbass bitch is found trying to act smart by reading detective stories with a body odor pungent perfume, and trying to elbow everyone whose bag is slightly bigger and touching her on bus 88 in the morning at 9am and still Tiao you to tell you that she is annoyed.

seriously, people needs more science knowledge (think inertia causes people to stick when bus brake) and more graciousness (think Petty women with short boring hair, teeny weeny eyes and lots of wrinkle at the eyes)

The result, block and elbow her back before she causes any internal injuries to you. Tiao her also because she is such a dumbass bitch who is old, haggard and simply tot that she is like the super precious to touch plus her perfume stinks.

Seems like its mean too long since i scold someone like that.. phew.

Ascend Christmas Gift Exchange

2009-12-13T11:38:00.003+08:00

Ascend Christmas Gift Exchange!

Our pressies!

Happy us!
Presents for everyone!

The girls of SSL

A long ago trip- NMS

2009-12-13T11:20:00.005+08:00

National Museum of Singapore... think is my 2nd time.. ever since primary school!!!!

A fulfilling day out with baby... First he drag me into the museum.. which functions like Oh-So-Cool now. They have the full story for Singapore's history, food, fashion and photography.. they even have a mock up of the traditional funeral!

.. then was to curb my hunger and cravings at katong with Kim Choo's Nonya Cuisine! Finally we landed at Iluma for movie 2010 and arcade... feels like a little girl again.. so fun!

Yumz~

Can you spot that silly man? Hee...

Lyon's 10th bday cake

2009-11-12T13:59:00.002+08:00

Lyon's Dream House for 10th Bday

Chocolate sponge cake with chocolate whipped cream.
House is made of Chocolate sponge cake with Chocolate ganache and whipped cream

More creations!

2009-10-01T13:13:00.002+08:00

New product from my class :)

Fruit Band on puff pastry with English lamination method

Fruit purse with puff pastry using English lamination method

Phoebe's 10th Bday

Chocolate sponge cake with chocolate fresh cream, covered with chocolate ganache and piped with chocolate frosting...

moon agar

2009-10-01T13:01:00.003+08:00

Moon agar for the festival!
Moon agar for the festival!

Chinese(rather my own) version of Luk Chub! a form of Thai dessert

All moonies shown below are filled with green bean paste and cast in coconut agar jelly.

Happy Mid-Autumn festival!

Cupcake new creations! Yellow Stars!

2009-08-31T13:17:00.003+08:00

Cupcake new creations! Yellow Stars!

bday bday

2009-08-31T13:00:00.002+08:00

Me with the ever kool ROOT BEER FLOAT in KLCC

A supposed artistic pic of me at Oriental hotel. Courtesy of Baby. but i find it a bit 'A'

hahaha..

My Man

My fave durian -pandan cake by Diana! Yum

My pressies and the girls!

Updates

2009-08-08T00:38:00.001+08:00

Latest look with the culinary uniform.. seh bo? hahaha

Brian at his latest performance at botanic garden.... i heard the last note u played!

Latest creation from my class. Apple pie!

Fruit tarts, egg tarts, coconut tarts.. have u tried them? slurps

Recently hor...

2009-08-01T00:27:00.004+08:00

recently hor.. i have been ultra busy.. usually already busy.. now things just got worse...? not realli.. it got better!

i have enrolled in a baking class under a NITEC cert.. and i have been enjoying very moment of my classes.. so far, we made fruit tart, egg tart and coconut tart...

it is very cool and i am extremely pleased to find out most of my previous mistakes.. at least it clears my doubts in a scientific and professional way.. very happy with my busy schedules now.. i feel so enriched! yeay!!!

thou time seems lesser for me and baby.. think he is not too pleased abt this factor thou.. but so far still maintain and balancing pretty well.. i still attends my usual ballet and tries to conduct tuition on a weekly basis..

we also helped to work on a name card and flyer for thaddeus...

for those who still don't know. Thaddeus is no longer working at hougang point. Currently, he is doing hair services in Diana King (25E lor liput Holland village) you can still call him for appointment. Do support him there ok??? he is a very good hairstylist and his prices are VERY reasonable

Sketches @ Bugis Junction

2009-07-17T00:38:00.000+08:00

Sketches @ Bugis Junction

Been a long while since i last post on food! muahaha.. but my search for good food did not stop with my blog..
Next up.. Sketches at Bugis Junction. Nice ambience, slightly higher than affordable price.. but definitely worth it!

with the good looking waiters and cosy environment, good food, even better free-flow fruit juice... $15 pork ribs and around the same price grilled lamb is confirmed plus chop more than WORTH IT.

Notice i grew fatter?? Mi pork ribs with lemon rice.. Slurps

His Grilled lamb.. very good sauce (garlic) tender juicy cut of lamb

Up close

the ribs are pretty tender.. one of them is the best, fat and juicy and soft (simply falls off the bone) the other 2 is not too bad.. and the serving is so damn huge (i only finished half).. only at the price of $15!

Overall Rating: 4/5

Totally satisfied my cravings for a good dinner and even have the quiet and nice place for a sweet chit-chat with the darling.

DDreamz Party

2009-07-03T12:37:00.002+08:00

DDreamz first dance party was a great success!

we experienced almost a nervous breakdown before the performance... haha.. old liao.. have been a long long time since i last perform (think primary school)

but was totally fun and cosy.. almost my whole family was there.. was very very touched...

and my cousins were there to support me too..

guys, u know ur presence is so important to me.. thanks for coming..

now for the recent thing..

there is one thing that i have so looking forward to.. but now pretty disappointed that i am going to take the course alone.. it will be a long journey and with all the anticipation gone.. i hope i have the strength and determination to go on..

these days.. i am feeling so sandwiched and stress.. between related and non-related members, families, friends, work....

can i cry?

New creations Part II

2009-05-27T00:14:00.003+08:00

It is my dear frd Diana's bday...

She and i made this together.. for Ah gong bday

New creation

2009-04-30T00:34:00.002+08:00

Fresh strawberries sandwiched in between vanilla sponge cake, covered with vanilla buttercream icing... for my colleague Wendy's birthday

Rich Butter cake covered with fondant and buttercream icing.. birthday cake for Diana's friend

Close up..

A family outing

2009-04-15T19:47:00.004+08:00

A family outing (KTV)

EXHIBER workshop

2009-04-13T23:26:00.004+08:00

http://exhiber.blogspot.com/

My first studio collaboration was with my dear Ah Vee.... Frankly, i was so nervous yet excited about the whole thing that we discussed about the theme, choice of clothings, make up, the feeling to

but the more we discussed.. the more sincere and professional knowledge was uncovered through our conversation... and seriously... on the actual day...

i was almost on a nervous breakdown... but despite being a 'noob' in posing... he was Extremely patient in guiding me along.. and even encouraged me to keep trying..

in the end we took a total of 4-5 hours shooting...

though my bff, jojo was with me.. but she was quite season with this.. and only took like 1 hr.. and she has very nice photos le..

for me, it was a tough job.. but then Ah Vee and his team always try to lighten up the tense environment for me...

and i learnt a lot from that precious session... and when Ah Vee sent me my photos later...

i couldn't believe my eyes!!!! it was like a billboard shot... WOW!!!

i have never posted this photo up.. but seriously.. i love it a lot... so much that i dun wanna show many people... afterall, it was an lingerie shot..

and my dear friend here is now organising an interesting E.X.H.I.B.E.R workshop! for those who are passionate, going professional into modelling or photography... you might want to take a look at the website for more details..

for an affordable $300 only (UP$650)

Models learn how to pose within a frame, catwalk for runway shows, prepare for casting and shooting, etc...

Photographers.. learn how to pose your subject... (very impt), etc...

http://exhiber.blogspot.com

Happy Birthday

2009-04-07T13:58:00.003+08:00

7 April

Happy Birthday Daddy

2 April

Happy Birthday Jill

6 April

Happy Birthday Yat Yat

Final call out!

2009-03-29T15:32:00.002+08:00

Final Call out to those who have not replied me in regards to the 10 April KTV outing..

those involved should have received a sms from me to one of your member in the family. If you have not, cos my phone has been cranky, and you would like to join us for this event, pls call me or drop me a sms.

the venue has been booked, however, due to limited spaces, if the number exceed the limit, i will have to book for another venue. Please get back to me asap!!!

a late sorry

2009-03-22T19:43:00.003+08:00

why is it that people like to hide from their mistakes rather than admitting to it?

why is it that the 'sorry' nowadays have to come out from a 3rd media, where have all the sincerity gone to?

why is it that everyone runs away or avoid a problem/issue rather than to solve it?

why is it that times have changed but people's attitude never change?

I am just losing faith... in the things i am doing...

just why am i wasting my time when i can just MIND MY OWN BUSINESS

recently,

i have been asking myself, if i were the one who discover that i have cancer or other diseases, like those shown in dramas, will i choose to :

1) commit suicide ( i think this is out, cos i dun wan to be handcuffed in my coffin, or lay paralyse on bed if i fail to die)
2) refuse all medical help and wait for my time
3) try to make my dear ones hate me cos it might not be so painful for them to let me go when time is up
4) make use of all my little time to tell everyone how much i love them
5) have the courage to go thru medical treatment and torture and still eventually have to face death

indifferent

2009-03-22T19:21:00.001+08:00

I just want to be and feel indifferent

simply dun know why people just show attitude like that.. at least tell me the reason, cos it is so bloody unfair

Princess De'siree 3rd bday

2009-03-22T15:43:00.002+08:00

A Disney Princess Themed Party

Diana's and mine new creation :)

Good Friday Outing

2009-03-15T11:43:00.002+08:00

Calling to all relatives & cousins..

10 April 2009

KTV Session outing..

Need to confirm total turn out and make booking. please sms/email/tag me to confirm your attendance :)

Leaving.. ...

2009-03-14T00:19:00.003+08:00

Leaving you alone is so easy and yet difficult..

guess you still refuse to be sober and come to your senses...

Yes, we will leave u alone.. and not one is gg to bother u anymore.. at least not for me..

cos i loved u.. i cared for u.. i sacrifice my time, money to educate you to my best effort...

nothing was appreciated... Never mind.. wat's more not even a little sense of responsibility to face up to your actions and failure was shown..

Yes, I am disappointed.. with YOU.. very disappointed..

you have let all the people who loved you, cared for you, trying our best to help you down.. Not becos you could not make it in studies or work... but cos..

all the love from blood relations went down to drain.. uncomparable to a few words from other people.. whom you claim to love..

why is it that you never really love us? where is all the love you proclaimed? If you really loved us, how could you bear to break our heart like that?

17 years of caring for you.. how could you cruelly push your dear ones away and hate us?

it pains us.. to see u changed into someone we dun even recognized... where is all the righteous when you were complaining about other people's silly actions?

But now... I m letting everything go... I no longer wan to know anything about you, how are you doing.. if you are well taken care of.. or have a proper job....

becos the whole ordeal is eating too much into me... and i m very worried for your parents who don't know how long they can withstand.. cos everything is kept to themself, all the tears and pain..

I pray that this whole thing will come to an end.. my dear aunties and uncles dun have to work so hard to contain their hurt..

in any case, I wish you the best. Be it you are alone or with someone.. wish you will have the perfect relationship... wish that you will last in this relationship... and that someone will be able to afford to provide for you, to take good care of you, to stay faithful to you...

TO JoJO:

I know you are having a difficult time now.. but i also know that you can get through all these.. at least your daddy is on the road to recovery.. you still have a chance to do whatever you want or should do... dun waste anymore time.. we should never take things for granted.. it is only when we are on the verge of losing it, we know how much we dun wan to lose them.

To all:

If you have made your parents/loved ones angry.. tell them Sorry now.. after a quarrel, patch it up... dun live with regrets..

I know that because when I said Sorry to him... he can't hear me anymore.. and it took me a whole 21 years to know how much i love him...

The Sickly episode

2009-03-05T16:38:00.002+08:00

whao.. was sick for 1 whole week.. and counting..

started with headache, then fever, sore throat, cough, nasal congestion, lost of voice... and the sequence reversed itself...

lost quite a bit of weight.. which is good.. hahaha.. a good way of de-toxifying..??

problems are still problems.. unsolved.. i just simply choose not to hear or see them anymore..

too dissappointed and heartbroken.. think too much made me lose sleep at night..

and that damages my health.. but that someone dun care.. or rather choose not care for ppl who loves her, care for her and worries for her...

anyway.. since i have lost weight.. anyone interested to take photos?? haha.. very long never take liao..

*just kidding la.. my timing so difficult to match de

2009-02-23T11:26:00.001+08:00

New knowledge:

Dogs eats grass instinctively to cure their upset stomach!

but how does grass scientifically help them in this case?

Foodie Goodie

2009-02-21T23:26:00.004+08:00

haven been posting food for some time..

Some fresh fruit cheese cake for Evelyn's Goh Bday:)

Her homemade bday cupcakes... credits to bryan for the nice wordings

FourAces at Compassvale (Sengkang)
Compassvale Bow Blk 266

Popcorn chicken

Grilled fish with mushroom sauce

Half spring chicken

The urge

2009-02-21T10:47:00.002+08:00

The urge to settle down is stronger.. esp when all the friends are doing so and with both side parents dropping strong hints... it is hard not to sit down and imagine your own wedding...

but the bf says he is not ready.. one more yr he say....

i hope the urge dun die down too fast... cos for everything else.. when i have the urge to do it.. he dun.. n when he finally wan to get down to the issue.. i lost interest..

is this the kinda of guessing game in relationship or am i just thinking too much all the time?

it is irritating me...

Adding to the list

2009-02-21T10:44:00.002+08:00

and adding on to the wedding list..

Congrats to Eugene and Gladys!!!!

Ring Ring Ring.... applause...

*it's finally your turn..

Day 1

2009-01-28T00:04:00.001+08:00

CNY Day 1 2009

My Brother and Me

The Cousins United!

Happy Chinese New Year

2009-01-27T23:14:00.001+08:00

This year is the year of OX... the year i was born in 24 years ago..

the next round maybe i wun be so happy to admit.. haha.. i will be 36 by then.. maybe fat, ugly, with a big fat belly, greasy face, curly hair and high pitch scolding my son/daughter all day long..

sounds gross.. haha

Happy New Year to everyone..

Wedding bells are ringing!

2009-01-19T17:02:00.002+08:00

Wedding bells are ringing.. the pressure of ppl buying houses, signing the papers, preparing for the ceremony is building.. Love is in the air.. happiness on the face..

Congrats to Jeffrey and Weikun.. and of cos to my Uncle and Auntie who are all gg to hold their weddings at the end of the year..

I betta get my savings ready.. or maybe my air ticket.. hahahaha

Wish all 有情人终成眷属

An old ballerina

2009-01-09T11:11:00.003+08:00

Tonight will be my first/virgin try on our mother of dance - ballet!

Hope i will be able to survive through the foundation course.. super excited!
my colleagues will be with me.. Bless us!

Click on the above for a clearer view on D Dreamz schedule... Many other dance and fitness classes available.. some filling up fast..! call the number on the brochure to find out more..

P Plate!

2008-12-31T11:31:00.003+08:00

Ha ha ha..

i no longer have to drive with a probation plate and get bullied by all the old uncles & aunites drivers!!

grrrrrrrrr...........

and officially has 24 points to my license... phew...

Holland V Xmas Dinner 2008

2008-12-30T15:33:00.005+08:00

RE peeps Pre-Xmas dinner @ Holland V 2008

At Hog's breath cafe

His steak.. looks good huh? actually i feel can be better.. the cut is not premium.

My steak.. exact sentiments to his steak

Dessert at Mykai (Mee-kai)

Our royal choc, mango, lychee sherbet gelato

Gary with his juice.. wa-de-mei-ren?

The guys trying out a fusion creme brulee... pineapple toppings and gula melaka!

Savouring it..

The special Creme brulee

a missed flight

2008-12-24T13:18:00.001+08:00

hai.. wonder why i'm still blogging at this time..?

nope.. i'm not in malaysia.. yet..

missed the plane this morning.. so stoopid.. haiz.. blame it on myself... was too tired.. cannot hear 3 alarms..

changed the flight to tonite.. hope to make it to our destination safely...

God Bless

Busy week

2008-12-19T09:45:00.002+08:00

Buzz buzz buzzing.. everyone is asking why m i so busy..

in fact.. i aso dun know.. events n things just keep cuming.. even during my off days, i m busy..

hahahaha

WORKAHOLICS

now buzzing to get work all done.. pressies all ready b4 i leave for malaysia this xmas.. with my darling and all my nice colleagues..

and to all whom i dun get to see often..

MERRY XMAS! hohoho

MIA?

2008-12-05T10:05:00.005+08:00

Seems like i have been MIA-ing for some time..

was realli realli busy..

super super tired..

but now is ok.. in fact pretty excited!!

cos D Dreamz International Pte Ltd is opening!!!!!!!

gg to try out adult ballet, latin american, belly dance, hip hop, cardio kickbox coolz...

i wan to be fit!!!!

In addition, all classes are suitable for both MEN and Ladies!

so drag ur bf with the big tummy or who is already keeping fit but needs a switch of routine to come!

for those interested, pls sms me or email me at l_meiting@hotmail.com .. :)

got student package somemore.. very affordable..

located at UE Square.. nearest MRT : Clarke quay/Dhoby Ghaut

Anyway.. a holiday program for COOL Kidz!

High School Musical 3 dance choreograph 15 - 17 Dec

Hip Hop Kidz 17 - 19 Dec

Love language

2008-11-22T13:30:00.001+08:00

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages

My Primary Love Language is Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Quality Time:	9
Words of Affirmation:	8
Physical Touch:	7
Receiving Gifts:	3
Acts of Service:	2

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

Nan ren Nv Ren

2008-11-21T23:26:00.002+08:00

Currently this is on my top playlist

歌曲名：男人. 女人
歌手名：阿穆隆&许茹芸

女:爱爱爱爱了几回
也明白其中滋味
付出的从来不会等于收回
我却还在等待着
谁能出现
男:伤伤伤伤了几回
也曾经为爱憔悴
爱情里好人总比坏人狼狈
我却还是学不会
狠心对谁

女:男人男人
多希望你是好人
多希望用你的真
让我不必再心疼

男:女人女人
我答应做个好人
我答应用我一生
来换你的快乐一生

女:爱爱爱爱了几回
也明白其中滋味
付出的从来不会等于收回
我却还在等待着
谁能出现

男:伤伤伤伤了几回
也曾经为爱憔悴
爱情里好人总比坏人狼狈
合：我却还是学不会
狠心对谁

女:男人男人
多希望你是好人
多希望用你的真
让我不必再心疼

男:女人女人
我答应做个好人
我答应用我一生
来换你的快乐一生

女:男人男人
多希望你是好人
多希望用你的真
让我不必再心疼

男:女人女人
我答应做个好人
合：不会再让我（你）心疼

一等再等
你就是我等的那个人
男:男人男人
女:女人女人
合：多么希望你是对的人

Mini Cheese cakes

2008-11-20T23:22:00.002+08:00

Was trying out this mini cheesecake recipe that Josephine did during a BBQ session last week..

The freshly baked cheesecake.

generally ok..but find this recipe a bit too wet...

Decided to decorate them with fresh strawberries and raspberries since i got some from cold storage the day before.. and of cos with some canned peaches and moschino cherries... slurp. my fave fruits!

Gave bryan and his office a whole box of 20 of this cheesecakes.. still some in my house fridge... keke.. so fei-ttening lo

Cupcakes Galore

2008-11-14T23:02:00.002+08:00

Cupcakes collection

My latest creation... finally used fondant/ gum paste

Cupcakes for my uncle's ROM

For Yat Yat bday 2008

For Dahmita 2nd bday 2008... my first attempt with diana's and bryan's help :)

clear e mist

2008-11-10T23:26:00.002+08:00

There is a delay in the update of information.

First Thanks to all who are concern abt me.. and him.

We are back together.

we have decided to forgive and forget abt e whole incident. whoever wrong or right does nt matter.

But why the reason to delay this so-called 'good' update to my dear friends?

cos i'm afraid.

i'm afraid that every time i post something positive, something negative is gg to happen..

I'm pessimistic abt being too comfortable again in this relationship..

yes.. i admit.. now i'm stressing myself.. to be a better gf.. to be more attentive to his needs... to listen to him more... I'm trying.. it is hard.. but i can make it.. and make it become 'me'

This whole week has been more than just a roller coaster.. i m really grateful to all my friends who are concern..

namely, Jo, Yat, Tariq far from USA, Andy, WeiKun, even Eugene...

this is the only few situations where u know who are u true friends.

To those who stood by Bryan.. i thank u too.. u did help him and made him feel better during this rough patch.

On a side note.. he is joining me for a short trip to Malaysia.. I'm feeling happy abt it

and my thought for now is:

我只想让你觉得你是世界上最幸福的男人, 我希望也能成为你心中最幸福的女人

The truth hurts.. so much

2008-11-07T02:27:00.001+08:00

sorry... but the truth really hurts alot.

if u think i have been bad mouthing u or giving u bad reputation.. then i apologize...

Always look on the brighter side of life

2008-10-31T11:43:00.000+08:00

On a brighter note

I'm calling all my frds for meetup!

Pretties, Gluttonz, my bitch and all long time no see frds...

msg me!!!!

OK liao

2008-10-15T14:24:00.000+08:00

Everything is fine for now.

How long will this last?

4 years of us.

2008-09-22T11:06:00.006+08:00

what will the 4th one be like??

I'm so excited!!!!!!!!!!

Happy 4th Anniversary Baby! thanks for tolerating my nonsense.. pls continue to do so.. anyway..

GOODS SOLD ARE
NON-EXCHANGEABLE OR
REFUNDABLE!!

MUAHAHAHAHHAA

Crusty the craby

2008-09-18T22:02:00.000+08:00

This is my new pet.. Crusty the Horsehoe crab

my dream my passion

2008-09-15T22:32:00.002+08:00

what is your passion? what is your dream?

my greatest satisfaction is to see my students gain confidence and interest in what they used to fear, hate..

to my utmost competance.. i try to do it for them.. even at my own expense..

but why is it that everytime i feel that i have been taken for granted..

today.. just now. i just became a 'sandbag' for another person..

out of nowhere.. start scolding me.. questioning me.. say until i have no manners at all.. like my parents never educate me.

hmm... i tried calling you.. i needed you so much.. cos i was full of 'unfairness' in my stomach..

but cannot get thru.. so i call yat.. n was pouring my sorrows to her.. cos she knows that i took the assignment at a low market rate.. given my qualification.. a min of $200-$250 per month one ok.. i'm only taking $160..

n to tolerate a complicated family.. parents divorced, mother not home 80% of time, grandparents dun speak english.. noisy siblings..

I m not nosey.. i dun ask if u dun wan to tell.. apparently i know that her family is in quite a bad shape..

First lesson want to see my cert.. end up? i dun even see one of the parent ard.. then what? expect me to bring cert every lesson and hopefully you appear from thin air one day? for once i still worry that i will not get paid..

by right i only account to my student and the payor to my service.. why shud i bother abt the rest of the people. i'm not ur relative lo..

realli feeling WTH now..

the slient pain of a passionate educator...

the passion is sliced by the distorted society and system..

New photos by Andy!

2008-09-15T11:33:00.003+08:00

Andy's Chong New creation - Break of the Dawn (ok i gave the name myself.. haha)

Please leave your comments on my tag board on the photos.. like if you think is nice or not, why and so on. Thanks!

love, lust, love, lust

2008-09-10T14:35:00.002+08:00

does love always associate to lust? or do they eventually equate after a while?

a random thought.

1) made agar mooncake.. my annual thing every year. this year trying green tea flavour. hope it works.

2) days passed.. months goes.. years flashed.. M i getting old?

3) syl's dance studio is coming in! called D Dreamz International Pte Ltd.. featuring adult ballet, latin dance, ballroom dance, hip hop, jazz, yoga, kickboxing, kids martial arts, baby ballet, mother and child dance, kids hip hop.. n a mystery program for naughty girls..

Friends and interested, pls keep a lookout in Dec. Officially opening in Jan 2009.

I m so excited... dance is my unrevealed passion. need to go stretch my cold muscles already!

friends

2008-09-06T19:23:00.002+08:00

when one day.. you have no date, ur frds are busy, ur bf goes out on a company gathering, u are the last one in ur office, no more energy to do any more work, with a growling stomach but stubbornly refuse to eat alone..

what will you do?

Option:
1) go home and see what you ca do at home
2) go home with a packet dinner and watch a movie on the laptop
3) continue to call some frds, hopefully you can get someone and tag with them
4) decide to cook or bake something, go ahead and buy ingredient
5) call ur bf and make a fuss out of it
6) goes shopping alone
7) sends mooncake to ur bf family (when he is not with u) and heads home after that

see? i have choices that i dun know how to choose.. cos they are not what i want to choose..

Choices without a choice... Paradox of life

I m ok

2008-09-04T13:44:00.002+08:00

I m ok. I m ok. I m ok.

~Huat ah..

thanks for concern. I'm just ranting. dun nid to bother/worry.

things have been busy. currently fully booked all the way until 24 sept. haha... but pls do sms me or call me. I m still ok some nights for chill out sessions.

2008-09-02T00:49:00.002+08:00

Probably it is the time of the month.. maybe it is the time of the year..

stress is building up.. bit by bit.. nt work.. def nt frd.. just personal. just me. just my family. just his family.

many frds have heard abt the story abt my future MIL.. if all of u assume so.. then be it.. (till date i refute all such claims)

yes.. now whenever the thought of facing her alone in the morning, have breakfast.. is a trauma.. hence i refuse at all costs to stay over.

might say i'm just over sensitive.. but u guys never know.. u are not the one who got ur butt squeeze and tested.. not the one who worries abt not having ur period.. not the one who gets frightened by never ending menses... u are not the one where u worry tat ur virginity get questioned.. in fact.. the more times u used 'it' the more powerful u are considered..

UNFAIR

men also claim that in their encyclopedia.. woman is an unclassified species.. no particular reason for their tantrums, never know when they are satisfied.. blahblahblah..

how abt the fact that guys are the ones who pissed us off..

A joke goes like this:
Man: why do woman speaks 30 000 words a day while a man only speaks 15 000?
Woman: Bacause a man always need the woman to repeat what she says
Man: What?

~diaoz

we repeat ourself or agenda numerous times becos u guys just find it fun to start a conversation by saying" what are u doing tmr?"

or we have to be able to provide solutions to u when u are in need of help.

but when we needed u badly.. u can simply brush it by saying a 'sorry, i should have done that'

n we have to swallow it. cos we used our arse to chose u.. our bad.

woman can never understand why man carries 2 heads and no brain.. and man can never understand why woman think with their heart and not their brain..

that's why dun blame homosexuality. becos only ur species knows u best.

or can we just make gers stupider or man more sensitive.

dun tell me to accept the fact tat man n woman are born different. i know. but for decades and generations, man n woman have been fighting to stay together.. or staying together to fight.

whichever the case.. i dun wan to accept. if life is gg to be just so unfair,

1) Personality: Kind and faithful, traditional
Romance level: 1.5/10
level of sensitivity: 1/10

2) Personality: casanova
Romance level: 10/10
Level of sensitivity: 9.5/10

then i follow Jo's choice.. i choose to be only with myself.

then i never have to worry and rem his bday, how many montheversay or anniversary.
I never have to say "it's ok" and he realli take that it is ok for me.
I never have to wait for him during a date
I never have to accomodate or please his frds/colleagues
I never have to show face to whoever he wans me to just to give him face
I never have to scarifice my slp to bark at him to slp earli or to iron his clothes
I never have to try to go on a date or movie or alight a car ride just to take train home with him.

I think girls have enough. it is time for u guys to show that u are worth it.

rem.. it is not just 1 present or 1 particular action that touched us.. it is a accumulative actions that keep us.

*man just think that by getting u an expensive present, they have done their job. or by making a great dinner for once.. they have scored 100%. yes.. for 1 action, the effect = 1 day

My 23rd bday

2008-08-29T23:41:00.004+08:00

My bday dinner celebration at Ritz Carlton. org by Baby

Group photo

All 06 August babies look alike!

What's bday celebration without my bestie and baby?

Yat met me today for lunch.. she gave me this. a whole range of chemical names

Whao!!!.. colourful.. looks pro hor?

Off day

2008-08-27T22:09:00.002+08:00

today is keep fit day..

went for yoga n belly dance.. after tat meet baby for lunch.

oh. i must say.. the new delifrance menu.. disappoint me!

we ordered the mixed grill platter for 2.. the menu looks so yummy lo, jumbo sauages with 2 sunny side up, sirloin steaks, lamb chop, chicken steak, salad and mashed potatoes..

sounds slurp? I tell u.. my eyes were as big as a goli when i saw what they serve after a long wait of 15 min.

2 normal chipolata, 1 serving of mashed potato, 1 super sour salad full of vinegar, lukewarm baby serving sirloin steaks, tough lamb chop, ok only chicken steak.

Can you imagine, after a long wait, 2 hungry stomachs, some nice bread for starter...

The main course come in LUKEWARM! some more is ORchard Delifrance lei..

cannot tahan. but super hungry n expensive $32.50 ++ for that pathetic platter... oh.. bonus.. it comes with 2 drinks.

still.... so disappointed.. did i mention that their black pepper sauce comes in a small container, separated from the steak.. and it is COLD... machiam taken out from the fridge...

In conclusion.. Super ultra disappointed.. spoil my lovely lunch date today

3rd death anni for 爷爷

2008-08-24T14:17:00.002+08:00

今天是为爷爷做功德的日子. 一转眼两年就这么过去了.

死去的人有遗憾, 就由活着的人去继续做他们的眼睛, 替他们见证世界上的美好和亲朋好友的一切重大的事.

Update Update!

2008-08-21T12:20:00.001+08:00

Finally updates for GaoXiong

Non chalant

2008-08-02T09:37:00.002+08:00

when i can ever learn to be non chalant...

weeks have passed... still ends are hard to meet... nid to pay for this.. nid to go there... nid to be fast (take cab).. nid to pamper myself n others..

When will it be the time when I dun worry?

sometimes i think.. will i get the heritage of my family genes? like gg crazy becos of money?

i try to tell myself.. money is a external thing.. should not affect me.. but it is neccessary to keep everyone happy.. to get you things that supposedly make ur life better.. more convenient..

why is it that everyone when we start working.. we look forward to all these luxury? to follow the norm of the company culture to own certain things? or is it that we feel we worked so hard.. hance the $$ should be used to our comfort building?

many times. i wished that my life can be simple and self-sufficient.. but it can never be now. now i dun expect to ask for allowance from mommy since i should be providing for her instead.. she is still providing for herself.. only with a burden less..

I try to make myself save.. by getting plans.. by getting new accounts.. it is not realli working.. instead i feel a little suffocated cos i see the numbers gg low.. i feel stressed up cos what i m making is not sufficient anymore.. i feel tired cos i dun have time to plan for more part time...

so i'm gg to set goals for myself now
1) no more extra classes
2) no more packages
3) no more cabs; wake up earlier!

These are the Top 3 killer in my life now.. spent way too much on signing up classes, buying mani/pedi packages/ foot reflex packages and taking cabs..

NO MORE....!

I wan to be bounce back from this thing and feel happy.. i dun wan to be bothered with money.. but at the same time.. this is the only reason why i wan to make it on my own...

the plan i have in mind seems more and more feasible.. i just need an appropriate time and space.. and of cos people ard me to help.. it is gg to be hard at first i know.. but i have to do this..

It was never a fair game

2008-07-24T10:50:00.002+08:00

The job being an educator is just like this..

full of emotion roller coaster... ups and downs..

many times.. when u see ur students.. u will be so pleased and happy.. they just made ur day..

many a times.. when they see the workload that you had in hand.. they complain from the very minute.. most children i understand.. dislike work..

partly cos they have already lots of work given by school and parents..

but every child that comes to us is an unpolished gem..

we dun wan to see anybody gives up on him or herself due to laziness.. but their story gets twisted when they go home..

they claim that is boring.. is very difficult.. when they already refuse to start trying from the first minute.. so is that our fault?

some are just too smart or high ego that they cannot accept defeat in every aspect.. but it is important to learn that.. who can guarantee that in your whole life, you will always succeed?

now when the kids are young.. praises have been following them.. them in the limelight.. but as they grows.. scoldings and threatens follow them.. making them think that if they do not do well in everything they do.. they are deem as failures in life..

People might assume that when the kids grow up.. they will learn to cope with failures.. it will be okay.. but why do people commit suicide? cos they cannot take certain failure like being a disgrace to the family, failure to recuperate from a broken relationship..

Nowadays, we keep saying that we should not stress children.. a lot of reports states that our primary school children have been given too much homework and are not able to rest well..
but do they realli investigate to the roots of the problem?

children can enjoy homework-less for 4 days and get all the homework in a single day.. expected to hand up next morning.. is that fair?

i try to allow time for them to finish work in class... but the time they took up complaining is half.. end up cannot complete.. when you see it.. you deem it as i didn't go through with them or the children's usual excuse 'very difficult'.. is that fair?

seriously.. most of the children are very smart.. i'm sure urs is one too.. but is the effort they are willing to put in.. is how much the parent is gg to support the educators and communicate with them.

just like at home.. if mommy is gg to be angry with the child over mistakes he made.. n daddy defense him.. what kinda image would it give him?

Day 4 Taiwan - Kenting

2008-07-23T13:24:00.003+08:00

Day 4 Taiwan - Kenting

My balcony outside my room..

My Hostel Nan Hong Ya Zhu located at Nan Wan

Our breakfast.. one of the few things we can find

Outside 7-11.. our Taiwan best friend

Windy beach.. sand hit ur leg is the PAIN~~
Getting ready!

Just the two of us

Whoo hoo.. we survived the challenge.. shiok

This was wat we played. click to see bigger picture
Mr Snoopy spotted

Streets of Kenting

Jumbo Shaved ice
topped with Taiwan tropical fruits..

My fave bathtub

Open concept bathroom. can see ur neighbour if curtains not up! haha.. coolz

Our new couple t shirt i like...

Not dead yet

2008-07-23T13:04:00.002+08:00

Halo.. sorri.. have been busy.. as always..

Busy abt wat? work, my stuffs, frd's stuffs, relative's stuffs and tuition

just edited the photos for Day 4 Taiwan- Kenting..

will be posting it up when i have time. maybe later or tmr..

jia you Tingz

Flowers surprise!

2008-07-06T10:57:00.002+08:00

Flowers surprise!

He manage to surprise me for once.. hahahhaa

I was glad i didn't make things worse by sending out a nasty sms the night b4..

I'm losing it once more.. why is this happening to me?

Day 3 Taiwan

2008-06-21T12:00:00.033+08:00

Me with the nice & comfy 自强号train.

First meal in Hua Lien... 扁食

Entrance of Taroko Gorge

Beloved Yat

We had only each other

We were below a 'Lion's Head' sculpture that formed naturally

Him trying to look relax in a serene environment

All of us on the bridge in Taroko Gorge

Outside Swallow's cave without any swallows

Throw paper down it will fly up u know?

Look cool sia la

Taroko rocks!

We made it!

He was trying to throw a pebble.. SHUAI!

End of Taroko

Hugs at 七星潭

Our saviour.. super hungry after the dunno how many km walk at Taroko

Big sausage wrap small sausage.. oozing with goodness

Time for celebration!

Fresh to the last bit..

Fish fish fish.. little flour.. super bouncy

Buy Muah Chee.. soft and sweet

Buy fireworks... Bomp bomp

Finally back at our 'home' at Hua Lien

My Hua Lien princess room

Swinging by the breeze

Going to watch Ah Mei aborigines show

With the Ah Mei Performers

Bring your bride home with 2 hands

What's happening?

Yat's happy to be a bride

石艺大街

Playing the 3 in one clogs..

Girl power

Guys copy cat

Show me wat you've got!

BBQ fun.. warmth in the cold weather

Enjoying the warmth together

Kong Ming Lantern with our wishes

Our creation in Stone House.. unplanned. then it was sweet dreams in the uber soft princess bed

Entrance of Farglory Ocean Park

Test shot

A princessy twist

So lovely! gosh..

Welcome

Farglory.. far far away

Cutie pie

Love Love Love

Welcome to our wedding (otters)

Proposal?

Triple splash

Cable car

Gotcha

Catch the sun

Posey

Pray..

Dainty princess

Merry go round.. he is such a kid

Dive into the world of fantasy

Dolphins! always my fave show

Last shot b4 leaving

Our lunch from hualien eaten on the train

Stone house owner.. very nice n friendly lady..

Taiwan Day 2

2008-06-15T14:33:00.011+08:00

Taiwan Day 2.. pardon me.. i used up almost 3GB of memory card

On our way to Long Shan Temple.. poor benson have been piggybacking Yat most of the time during the trip. good workout thou..

Outside Longshan temple龙山寺 .. on of the most popular temple in taipei.. reali a lot of ppl..

taking pictures just like a tourist

Me n yat outside the temple

Along the way back in an alley.. we saw a queue.. the name of this chicken is so cute la.

This is the frontage of our hotel.. i would say.. much better than my HK hostel..every hotel or

民宿 has very good service and well funished items in the room.

The famous flour noodle..

them enjoying their flour noodle... Mian Sian.. the pig's intestine is realli very Q

me me me with my mian sian... dun see the bowl so small. 2 of us eat is just nice.. and is only TWD 55 (SGD 2 +)

famous bubble tea chain.. this one is nice and qq bubble pearl

sucking on my bubble pearls

on our way to Yangmingshan 扬名山.. introducing Baoru n her bf Heng..

Our first view with the magnificent scenary

Mr Bf freezing.. the wind is realli chilly

Outside the calla-lily farm

the guys with the signboard

on our way up the mountain..

gave up halfway.. n return to a small coffee hut.. cosy n warm

The famous Calla - Lily..

yat n i act smart lo.. wear mini skirt n shorts up the mountain.. 16 deg celsius lo.. n the wind is constantly blowing us away.. n she just cannot stop screaming... check out her blog too..

Me with the mountain background

After we finish our trekking... next stop was New Beitou Hot Spring 新北头温泉

The hotel we had our first hot spring experience.. Skinny Dip..

sori.. no photos.. keke

As Yat has mentioned in her blog... me n baoru waas so scared to get our body into the hot water.. feel like boiling myself.. haha. yat simply just went in .. machiam swimming pool like tt. n she was cooked red.. like in minutes..

n of cos when u get out of the hot water.. ard 30-40 deg celsius onli.. or was it 50.. anyway.. u will feel giddy.. n next to it was a cold pool.. n baoru was the brave on to try it first.. brrr..

after a nice hot bath.. it was time to brave the Fisherman's Wharf...

night view of the bridge.. Lover's bridge.. i think

That's us..

Me n yat..

and then the hungry ghosts (us) went to Danshui night market. 淡水夜市. the famous ice cream tower.. but this one not nice.. like ice onli... saw the one at ximen.. more creamy

See? things there are all magnify from singapore.. Partyworld 钱柜 is the whole building itself.. KTV is a national hobby in taiwan.. n every sat is machiam like Zouk la.. ppl q-ing outside the entrance..all dressed up with bouquets of flowers somemore. can even celebrate bday

this is why it is so popular.. price almost the same as Kbox here.. but the service n equipment.. LOST flat...

Wat's our VIP room here as compared to theirs? private toilet every room, 3 types of controls for song selecions.. latest chinese songs... microphones like giant lollipops (thick sponges for fliter).. you totally sound like a Superstar in that room, yummy dim sum available...

And with that.. it marks the end of our 2nd day.. we sang till after midnight.. we went back.. totally exhausted n nid to wake up earli for 8am train at hua lien..more to come on how we chase after the train at the platform like mad people.. stay tune